Choice is sweet
One of the most rewarding aspects of parenthood for meg is instilling in my children the awareness that they have choices.
They possess agency.
They hold autonomy.
I distinctly recall numerous conversations with them when they were younger about the multitude of religions and how they were free to explore any that resonated with them. My only desire was for them to understand that options existed and that it was not only acceptable but also wholeheartedly encouraged to experience different paths firsthand.
I clarified that anyone proclaiming a single option as the "best" or "only right" choice should be viewed skeptically.
Every individual embarks on a unique journey, and fostering an environment where children feel safe to explore their individual paths is paramount. Engaging in these discussions with my kids allows me to share my humanity with them, even if they only listen for a brief moment. I often opt for concise and impactful statements in our interactions.
Having two teenagers opens the door to more complex discussions, such as those surrounding relationship styles. Recently, during a light-hearted exchange, my 16-year-old jokingly referred to me as possessive of my partner.
At that moment, I had a choice: react defensively or seize the opportunity for a teachable moment. I chose the latter.
I chuckled and explained that possessiveness does not equate to love. I elaborated, highlighting the societal emphasis on possessive love, where individuals are viewed as possessions to be tightly held. Love, I emphasized, is a choice – something to be embraced lightly and experienced fully.
Society often portrays a single narrative of relationship dynamics, emphasizing escalator-style monogamous relationships. However, there exists a myriad of alternative relationship styles, including queer, platonic, polyamorous, monogamish, and asexual relationships. Contrary to societal norms, fulfillment doesn't hinge on milestones like marriage, children, or homeownership.
You can choose to have children without getting married, or vice versa. My son expressed skepticism about non-monogamy, particularly for someone prone to overthinking. Reflecting on my experiences, I shared my gratitude for the lessons learned from non-monogamous relationships. They taught me invaluable lessons about love and self-worth, grounding me in the power of self-love.
Our conversation transitioned to the importance of communication and consent in dating. With a smirk, my son acknowledged the significance of consent, a topic we often jest about. It's crucial, I stressed, for individuals from different backgrounds to openly discuss their expectations, as assumptions based on upbringing can lead to hurt and misunderstandings.
Our upbringing profoundly shapes our perception of what is considered normal or obligatory. By recognizing and embracing the diversity of human experiences, we empower ourselves to make informed choices that align with our values and desires.
